Once again naamah_darling has hit it on the head. You know what’s not the best time of your goddamn life? Childhood. Adults say it’s awesome to be a kid, when you’re utterly helpless and nobody will just come out and say so because they’re hoping you haven’t fucking noticed (because they also think you’re stupid).
I saw that grownups had much more serious problems – job problems, money problems, health problems – than kids, but nobody ever explained to me that being a grownup is worth it anyway. That it’s way better than being a child.
Yes, being an adult has encompassed a range of sucktastic things, even some things I feared as a kid. It has also encompassed a surprising amount of helplessness. But it’s still better than being a kid. Being a kid fucking sucked.
When you’re a child you hear grownups talk about childhood as though it were some distant, magical country of wafting, misty perfection, enormous fairy wings, and magical moon-circumnaviating dirigibles powered by unicorn poop. You hear grownups talk about how wonderful it was to be a child, without a care in the world. But you look around at your world and it isn’t like that! It’s horrible! It stinks! It’s a nightmare! Maybe it’s not like this for every kid, but it’s like this for a goddamn lot of them.
When you’re a kid you hear adults talk about their teenage years like they were an endless field of catgirl tits, raunchy pirate cock, jet fuel and vodka shots, gold medals in endurance masturbation, and unicorn orgasms fountaining glitter across the sky. “The best days of your life,” they say. WEB OF LIES! It’s horrible! It stinks! It’s a nightmare!
Adults lied about being a child, and they lied about being a teenager. And then they had the temerity, the unmitigated gall, to be shirty with me because I thought that my life as a child/teenager fucking sucked, BECAUSE IT DID.
See that? Those things are true.
My grandmother worked in a doll making factory when she was a young woman. She had only a high school education, but she was earnest and hardworking and wanted a better life for her family. My grandmother had three daughters, two of whom went on to receive a college education and ascend into the ranks of the middle class. Those three children had their own mess of children, three of whom were able to get their Bachelor’s and one who was able to get a Master’s degree. When my grandmother was a girl, she adapted to a segregated life. When my mother was a girl, she also had to use separate facilities. When I was a girl, I got to use the same bathrooms as everyone else.
The reason I mention this is to give some actual perspective on just how short a period of time has elapsed since oppression was the legal standard and vehemently protected. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 happened a mere 47 years ago. Not 100 years ago. Not 75 years ago. Not even 50 years ago. I am part of the first generation in my family who has never experienced the sting of legal segregation. The first.
The Art of Reverse Trolling in short form.
It’s time for some real talk, so “set yer ass down and listen up” as they say in my native land.
Assuming you haven’t only recently returned from ten years at sea or launched yourself into a gaping abyss of semi-psychotic denial, you probably have corrosive rage spraying uncontrollably out of all of your orifices right now. Let’s face it; that is the lay of the land. We are all in the same boat. The “white man’s burden” is back in a major way. It is suddenly somehow acceptable to refer to welfare as giving black people other people’s money, to say that working class children need to be taught the value of hard work (the leisuring upper class is supposedly well versed in this), to have a panel of conservative white male religious leaders inform congress on women’s rights issues and to teach loose women a lesson by signing permissible medical rape into law.
Luckily, someone waits for you, ready and eager to absorb the overflow of your anger. Someone is desperate for every little bit of negative attention you’re willing to spare. Who are these godsends, you ask? Why, they’re misogynist trolls of course! Around every corner, they’re just waiting with baited breath to be torn to shreds so you can feel a little better and get back to the business of thinking clearly and making serious attempts to change our situation. Glut yourself on this bounty of dickwads, my sisters! Be the man hating feminist whose existence they’ve always cited, but they have never truly met! Do them the great favor of justifying their pathetic existences; they live only for your anger and it is time to honor their service to the community. Thank you, my asshat internet bretheren. I never realized how much I needed you.
Without further ado, The World’s Most Comprehensive Guide to The Art of Reverse Trolling.
On the heels of Virginia’s House Republicans pushing through a personhood bill along with a stupid invasive (read: state sanctioned rape) bill requiring doctors to use a “transvaginal ultrasound” (yep, it is what it sounds like) on anyone seeking abortions, comes another glut of insanity and assholishness. I have some other stuff I want to link everyone to, but this shit just keeps happening, so I guess we’ll talk about it some more.