I tend to find myself in heated disagreements with people who are in the current school of thought that calls itself sex-positive. I am not at all sex-negative; a term which has been hurled at me a number of times, in what felt like a very gendered insult, but that is an aside.
Here is (what I consider to be) my fairly positive outlook on sex:
Sex is pretty comparable to any specific activity that is social-recreational, only all sensations associated with it are generally amplified in intensity. For comedic effect, I will flesh out that definition using putt putt golf.
You can play putt putt golf alone, with strangers, acquaintances or even people you dislike, but a majority of people prefer to go with their favorite person or people. The exceptions are mostly people who are committed hobbyists of putt putt that for whom the social aspect is really secondary to playing with someone who is at their skill level; they need someone who can give them a stimulating amount of sport and challenge. There are also people who don’t really have anyone they want to play with and they play alone. The remainder are generally people who are not very good at putt putt and would rather play with someone they’ll never have to look in the eye again, which is a little unfortunate, but okay as long as they don’t like throw their club and start cursing and accusing their opponent mid-game, or walk into someone else’s game without asking, and everyone has fun.
Putt putt golf is not everyone’s thing and there is nothing wrong with that. If you don’t want to play ever, for the rest of your life, no big deal. That may be a notable feature about you, but it does not indicate a severe psychological problem and people don’t have the right to pressure you into playing or ridicule you about it. People who do are dicks. Some people just don’t like it.
Putt putt is amusing and it has a range of benefits. It is conducive to healthy physical exercise, but is generally low impact and safe unless intentionally practiced in some ill-advised, dangerous way. If you play in an ill-advised, dangerous way with one person, it is still dangerous and if you play with 100 people in a safe way, it is still safe. The social aspect tends to serve as a bonding interaction between people, and helps them keep happiness and harmony in their relationships; you generally walk away from the end of a fun game of putt putt feeling appreciative of the people you played with and look forward to spending more time with them.
For some people, playing putt putt together is their special thing. They might be hurt if their usual buddies decided to play without inviting them. They might worry that they aren’t as close to their buddies as they used to be if they stopped playing together, and unless there is an obvious impediment like physical injury or being really busy, they might be correct. It generally leads to hurt feelings when two people put a different premium or amount of significance on their fun times together. It’s preferable to know where you stand on that and there is nothing wrong with you if you only want to play with one person and it is special to you.
People who really like putt putt and make themselves widely available to play are doing a nice thing. The primary motivation is self-interest, but it works out so that it brings a lot of people enjoyment. People who treat such putt putt lovers as “those crazy putt putt people” and ridicule them are dicks. There is no excuse for this behavior, which is usually based on the envy a grumpy person feels when they see someone having fun, and those killjoys should get out of the way of the happiness of others.
Putt putt should be fun for the people playing it at all times. If someone is not having fun, something has gone seriously wrong and you should stop playing and address that. If you are gleefully playing with someone who you know is not having fun, you have an unhealthy attitude about social-recreational activities. If someone you are close to says they don’t want to play putt putt with you and you walk away from that feeling resentful, you have an unhealthy attitude about social-recreational activities. If you walk up and down the street offering people who don’t want to play with you money to play with you, you have an unhealthy attitude about social-recreational activities. If you think it is acceptable to lie or con someone into playing with you, you have an unhealthy attitude about social-recreational activities. If you view the people you meet in your ordinary day-to-day life as nothing more than a means to play putt putt golf to you, you have an unhealthy attitude about social-recreational activities. If you strongly prefer to play with people that have never played putt putt, that present no challenge, and have a weak, clumsy swing that is easily overtaken by yours, you have an unhealthy attitude about social-recreational activities and you are probably a bad person and a bad sport.
And that’s about where I stand with it. It seems pretty simple to me. I don’t think me need to be the advocates of chickenhawks, pick-up artists and Johns in order to be sex-positive. It is okay to consider mature people who take advantage of the inexperienced as unsporting. That is what they are. It is okay to feel distaste for Johns. They cause a lot of collateral damage.
Not to double down on metaphors, but lets say there were some other industry that mainly profited off the kidnapping and coercion of women, girls, boys and young men and their placement into perpetual rape. A smaller percentage of the time, the industry did something else, like selling handkerchiefs. Would we buy their handkerchiefs? Would we go around screaming that people who boycott and protest the industry hate handkerchiefs? Would we point out how some women make money, lots and lots of money, making or selling handkerchiefs and they have a right to do that? I mean, yeah, they do, but is that the important part of the issue? I don’t think we would. The priority is obviously the rape.