2 comments on “Enemies of Civilization

  1. Adoption can rack up six figures in legal fees. I think if it wasn’t that way, people would do it more. I would love to adopt, but I will never in my life be able to afford it. It dwarfs the expense of fertility treatments, as expensive as they are, and the time it takes can be years longer. The adoption industry also preys pretty heavily on vulnerable women who would probably rather keep their babies, but can’t, for whatever reason, in a way that is extremely problematic. I’m not condemning the practice of adoption at all; like I said, I would do it if I could afford it, but the industry is a for-profit venture that exploits women and especially those in vulnerable populations. Those who are not so profit hungry are worse, because they have horrifying agendas, usually religious ones. The industry lacks the regulation and reform necessary to make it a purely feel good thing.

    It is also very difficult to adopt in single parent or GL&T households. Although the USA is one of the few countries who adopts to GL&T couples, it is rare, and all the GL&T prospective parent couples in the free world are competing to adopt those children. You’ll find these adopted US children in the Netherlands, in France, in the UK and everywhere, but only as many as will be allowed by their birth mothers and their agencies.

    With foster parents, the income bar is lower, but it is still there. I consider myself fairly well off, but on paper, I would not qualify for a foster child. Even as a homeowner with two cars and a decent job with full benefits, being the sole earner in a family of my size leaves me looking like I break about even on paper. I feel like we could tighten our belts and take another, and there are subsidies you can get to help, but in order to qualify at all, you have to prove that you don’t *need* the subsidies in order to support the child. Also, as you know, I have mental health issues and who knows if that would disqualify me. Hell, maybe it should.

    • The adoption industry can be hella sketch, yeah, particularly the international adoption scene. I get the distinct impression that international adoption is all about stealing children from non-white children to be sold to white Christian parents for a “proper” upbringing, which is the main reason I didn’t go all “there are starving children in South America” about it.

      My main focus is on the foster system because those kids typically have some kind of documented reason why they are in foster care (with the exception of kids taken from Rez families, which works most like international adoption in the way I mentioned earlier) and the lack of interest in foster children is a major societal problem. I wouldn’t ever mandate that people take on foster kids rather than be permitted to have their own children–again, pro-choice–but I think it’s kinda screwy that there’s this great cultural push toward saving a shelter pet but foster kids are treated like a consolation prize for those who can’t have “real” children of their own. That’s fucked up. It doesn’t have to be everybody’s only option, and I wouldn’t want it to be, but if more people considered foster kids their first rather than last choice it’d make things better.

      It’s not a perfectly clear-cut moral issue, though, and I can understand why there would be so many different ways to follow one’s own conscience. I just feel like the “people who get abortions just don’t want to be inconvenienced because they are so selfish” meme gets so much traction that the pro-choice pro-abortion stance might not be a terrible thing to add to the mix. “Birth first choice, fostering/adoption last choice if ever” folks don’t have a monopoly on taking a moral stand.

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